that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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