she was so not down for the gang bang
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
