No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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