she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
