Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
