my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
