Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
