it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
