he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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