Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
