i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i drank out of a bidet.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
