Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
