god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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