my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
