She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
