I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
