i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
