i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
