I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
