Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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