I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
