my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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