How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
