By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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