Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
