Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
