your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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