You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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