hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
