why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
