I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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