So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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