When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
