Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
