Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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