You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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