My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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