i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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