She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
