remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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