So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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