I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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