She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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