i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
