Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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