I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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