tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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