On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
