Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
