i think i have herpe
just one?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
