well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
