I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
