What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
