when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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