the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize