Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
