you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize