No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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