Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
