Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize