Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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