just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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