What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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