I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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