Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize