Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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