i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
