We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
